Existence
by Chirugal
Summary: You can’t outrun a Runner. Introspective fic, set post-game, Faith’s POV. Major spoiler alert!


**Title**: Existence  
**Rating**: K+ for language.  
**Spoilers**: MAJOR ones for the end of _Mirror's Edge_. You have totally been warned…  
**Summary**: You can't outrun a Runner. Introspective fic, set post-game, Faith's POV.

***

You wouldn't think that a couple of months ago, my entire world was turned upside down. To a casual observer, nothing's changed between then and now. Callaghan's still in power, the CPF and PK are still out in force, no one has any privacy… the city's still as screwed up as it has been since the November riots, eighteen years ago.

Okay, so there's been a major increase in anti-Runner propaganda, as if we're the ones who orchestrate any underground conspiracies. We aren't, and never have been – Merc saw a way to stick it to the bastards and make some fast cash at the same time, but we don't get involved. The only exception was Project Icarus, and I think we can be forgiven for stepping in when the CPF's goal of the week was to eliminate us.

As for the Runners… we're still around. Merc's death and Celeste's desertion were major blows, but we've survived, with the help of someone unexpected. Kate hasn't forgotten how she was set up for Pope's murder, and when she heard about Miller's death she switched sides, making use of the cyber-skills she was taught as a Blue to take Merc's place. Drake and the others were a little suspicious at first, but that didn't last long.

I've thrown myself back into the job, though I've gotta be number one on Callaghan's Most Wanted list for the stunt Miller helped me pull off. I know Kate finds it hard to watch me work sometimes, and that's because she understands why I do what I do.

When Merc first took me on after my mother's death, I was just looking for a distraction. Running was risky, edgy, terrifying, and the adrenaline it brought was a welcome relief from the numbing grief I was feeling. When I heard Kate had joined the Blues, against what I knew our mother would have wanted, I ran to forget.

You can't shut your twin out of your life, though. It just doesn't work. Kate and I called a truce after she almost shot me on a rooftop, and life went on. I continued to run despite her entreaties, because I needed to.

I gotta admit, Cel had a point when she said we weren't living, just existing. I don't think it's _possible_ to run unless there's a part of you that accepts that. You'd freeze up; the dizzying heights would make your head spin, and you'd back away from the edge like a petrified child.

I exist. I exist for Kate, and I exist to run. That's it. Inside my subconscious is a tiny voice that reminds me that every sprint into enemy territory, every leap, every fall, could be my last. What Kate knows, and what I'd prefer she didn't know, is that I almost welcome it.

I don't actively seek death. If that were the case, I'd head back into the vicinity of the Shard and flag up a passing Blue patrol, and that'd be it. I'm not suicidal – I just don't care. My life could end tomorrow… so what? I have no plans, no goals. I'm not naïve enough to think that anything I do can turn this city around. It took all my efforts just to rescue my sister.

I don't run on my darker days. It's a deal I made with Merc, and I'm sticking with it for Kate. On the days that I find myself wondering what would happen if I were to miss my footing, or if my handhold on the edge of a building were to slip… those are the days that I delegate my job to one of the others. It doesn't happen often – not often enough to attract the notice of the other Runners, anyway – but it does happen.

Every now and then, I think I see Celeste. I don't know if any of those phantom sightings were actually her, but it wouldn't surprise me if she was still around the city. Maybe she's ascending through the ranks at Pirandello Kruger – who knows?

Her betrayal still hurts. During the time Kate and I weren't speaking, Cel became a surrogate sister to me. I can't believe she got so bitter and twisted without me noticing. And for her to want to stop running? She's the last person I thought would try to give it up.

Even if you do go to the Blues and offer them something they want… even if you show the enemy how to effectively chase your allies in exchange for a pardon… you're still a Runner. Runners aren't born, they're trained, but once you've done it, it's with you for life. Celeste might run for Callaghan now, but she's still the same thing she wanted to escape.

I have no doubt our paths will cross again someday soon. We've moved our base of operations since Merc's death, but if Cel's still with PK she'll track us down eventually. You can't outrun a Runner, even if you're a Runner yourself.


End file.
